Sometimes the Best Medicine Is a Best Friend
by Lynn H. Aspey, MS
My friend just called and told me she has cancer. I am stunned and speechless, but I will be by her side however she needs me. I need to ask her how I can help and in what ways she needs me. My friend had suggestions on how I could help and what would be meaningful to her. Here are thoughts she shared:
1. Always ask me if I am willing to talk about my illness or treatment.
Sometimes I am not ready to share, and it is not because I don’t want you to have the information; it’s because I am not able to share now. There will be a time when the damn breaks, and I want to have a heart-to-heart talk about my illness. This is when you need good listening skills.
2. Sometimes I just want you to sit with me in silence; silence can be “golden.”
3. If I am homebound, I will let you know when I can have company, talk, or go out on the town.
Please do not take this personally. As my treatment progresses I may feel like being more sociable, visiting or going out.
4. Sometimes I may feel moody or down. Please do not take it personally. Cancer is a lot to take in.
5. There will be days when I will want to shop, go to the movies, or play games.
Hopefully, you will be able to adapt to my changing days.
6. If you hold my hand during visits for medical appointments or treatments, that support helps in more ways than you will ever know.
7. I will need you to be my advocate for my other friends so that I don’t have to go over my illness all the time.
I know they will want to “be in the know” as well. So I may need to depend on you to be my voice. My other friends may want to help, so I will feel comfortable having you assign tasks. Their curiosity is because they care.
8. We can take walks when you are up to it.
That’s when I may feel brave and comfortable to share. Some walks may be filled with silence and that is okay. Just being by your side brings comfort.
9. I may need you to be my chauffer to medical appointments for treatments.
10. Help me respect my privacy and let others know that I will share when I am ready.
I may just want a few people in my inner circle to know.
So, as a friend, I will help you know how you can be a friend under these circumstances. Let’s hold hands and walk through this journey together. I will always want you to be there for me!
Lynn Aspey is a 10-year Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia survivor who has completed two clinical trials with countless “trials and tribulations” during her cancer journey! She is a patient of oncologist Jennifer Woyach, MD, at the James Comprehensive Cancer Center at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, Columbus, OH, where she also volunteers on the Patient & Family Policy Committee and Hope Foundation. Lynn has a BSHEc and MS in Child Development & Family Living from Ohio University, Athens, OH. Now retired, she was Director of Business Relations at Jewish Family Services for over 20 years. She has been married to her college sweetheart Wayne Aspey for 55 years, and they are the loving and proud parents to Chantelle and Ryan, and doting grandparents to Charley and Parker.
