When Cancer Opened a Door to Healing
Nancy Groves
by Nancy Groves, MSW
When my mother was diagnosed with cancer in her eighties, I believed I was prepared for the journey ahead. Years of working with cancer patients had made the path feel familiar. I knew our daily life would shift to accommodate caregiving, doctor visits, and treatments. What I did not expect was that her illness would open a door we had kept closed for most of our lives—a door leading back to a truth I had carried quietly since childhood.
My mother’s health began to wane about a year before her diagnosis. Small changes in her appetite and energy were the first signs that something deeper was amiss. The thought of doctor visits, tests, and possible outcomes felt overwhelming. Denial became a temporary refuge. As her symptoms grew harder to ignore, we finally moved toward testing. Because she lived with me, we walked each step side by side, though the emotional weight of each decision was heavy. The medical choices were hers to make, and I supported her with love and understanding.
We sought the comfort of denial,
a shelter from the fears
of what might lie ahead.
But the illness answered
with a truth we could no longer ignore.
So we walked this path of uncertainty
side by side,
finding strength in one another.
When the diagnosis of liver cancer was finally made with the possibility of additional tumors, my mother chose not to pursue treatment. Her only wish was to return to our home and to remain there until the time of her passing. My heart, though heavy, was grateful I could honor her wishes.
My mother lived for only two months after her diagnosis, but those two months were filled with life. I arranged for her friends to visit – friends she had known for over 40 years. I heard the laughter as they reminisced, and I saw the tears as they embraced. My mother, being born and raised in England, asked for special dinners – Bubble and Squeak and Toad in the Hole! I was grateful that I could care for her in ways that brought her comfort and memories of her home in England.
I admired her courage
as she faced a terminal prognosis.
I admired her capacity for joy
as she welcomed each visit from her friends.
I admired her faith that uplifted her
in her darkest moments.
Throughout our relationship, I had been a good daughter. We traveled to England and Florida, took a cruise, enjoyed concerts, dinners, and local adventures. There were so many happy memories and yet, my heart knew a sadness that I did not speak of.
From my earliest childhood years, I knew I had not been wanted. I was born during a stressful time in my mother’s life, and my arrival only added to the difficulties she was facing. It is uncanny how children know these things even when no words are spoken. Perhaps that early awareness shaped my lifelong desire to offer her love and kindness – to prove I was worthy of being loved.
As we walked this final journey together, my mother offered me her greatest gift. One night, as I sat close to her holding her hand, she began to weep. I held her gently as she whispered, “I never wanted you, and yet you have been the most loving daughter to me. I am so sorry.” In that moment, a wound I had carried for too long finally began to heal. In our embrace, the gift of inner peace was given to us both. Her illness, though unwelcome, opened a space for honesty, forgiveness, and love. In her final days, grace found us both.
I carry you in my heart every day.
I find solace and strength
in the memories we shared.
I am grateful knowing
you are at peace.
I am blessed to call you
my mother.
Nancy Groves, MSW, is a retired medical social worker with over twenty years of experience as an educator and counselor. She has presented seminars in hospitals, universities, and churches on the emotional impact of serious illnesses and served on the Michigan Department of Public Health AIDS Advisory Board. She is the author of several self-published books, including A Grandparent’s Gift of Memories: A Pilgrimage with the Saints, Whispers of the Soul: A Grief Journal, and A Rainbow for God. She also facilitates a grief and healing circle at her church. Groves lives in Sterling Heights, Michigan.
Nancy Groves’s latest book, Facing Illness, Finding Peace, is available now on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or anywhere books are sold.
